ADDiKTiVE_shortii's Xanga

Monday, April 25, 2005

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 14:16:22 GMT

new one lovess

<333

click the heart

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 16:53:14 GMT

some girls really piss me off.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 00:32:02 GMT

ahhh son ..
i hate this shit.

i don't like bein home on fridays.
but the cousin stacey is gon come get me :]

& we's gon partayyy

<3chels

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 23:30:47 GMT

my bologna has a first name it's O-S-C-A-R..
my bologna has a second name it's M-A-Y-E-R..
i like to eat it every day ..
if you ask my why i'll sayyyyy ..
cus oscar mayer has a way with

b-o-l-o-g-n-a

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 12:15:43 GMT

i'm really mad now.

people constantly say that they can't trust you & la de da, but meanwhile you're actually the one they should trust & they're the ones who can't be trusted.

you know who you are & i'm really sick of your shit. you sit there & act all hard meanwhile you won't do shit. & on top of that, you believe shit that isn't true & it's obvious that it ain't true but you believe it anyway.

if you were EVER my friend in the first place i think you'd believe me. but it's hilarious the way you trust people you know can't be trusted & the way you gotta believe such bullshit.

damn ..

on another note i've been punished so i haven't been writing .. i'll write again soon .. when i'm allowed..

<3chels

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 23:41:36 GMT

new colors .. i like em.

shits been wierd lately .. nothing & no one feels the same to me. maybe because so many of my "friends" go behind my back & yeah. knowing what they do makes it hard to look them in the eye & be like ahh wudup.

my mom had her episode & i got punished for fighting her. i dunno if i'ma be allowed out this weekend but everyone KNOWS it will be hell if i`m not. HELL i say.

& english feels empty without brian .. i miss him so much

<3chels

Monday, April 04, 2005

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 22:30:58 GMT

r.i.p brian lavine.

you were an excellent person, you were caring, loving, sweet, smart & hilarious. although i wasn't extremely close to you, i considered you a friend.

i hope you are looking down from heaven & see all the people that love & mourn you. may you know your on our minds & we have nothing but love, respect & sadness toward you & your family.

there are certain things in life that you can stop, but there are also things in life that CAN'T be stopped. death is one of these things. you are no longer with us physically, but spirtually you will be with us all. i for one, am blessed to say i have known you. you were a wonderful person with a big heart. yesterday's tears will be tomorrow's smiles. we do not yet know what good will come out of this, but i think we all hope you are looking down on us & that you are resting among the clouds. i hope you can see how much we care & miss you.

God bless you. Rest in peace.

"beyond the door, there's peace i'm sure & i know there'll be no more tears in heaven"

may you rest in peace.

102590-040205

<3chels

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 21:08:06 GMT

guess what guys?

my god damn tounge .. is pierced.
it's got a nice rod through it with two clear balls.
tell me you fuckin love it haha<3

will eventually show pics when i get a camera to take emmm<33

<3chels

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 00:48:55 GMT

i WANT a lover i don't HAVE to love

well said in plain english, i want a lover i don't have to love.
i want meaningless hook ups, but that never seems to work for me. i seemingly always get attached even if it's a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty bit. it's still attachment. & when i hook up with certain people & don't take it seriously, they do & then i feel bad.
right now, i don't know if i want a relationship.
part of me does, & part of me is sick of having a broken heart. half of me wonders if my heart will be broken again & doesn't want to risk it, while half of me is screaming to find another because i just want to be loved. i want the attention. i want to be told i'm perfect when all my mascara is running down my face from crying, & i want to be shown off when i`m just wearing sweats.

i want to genuinely be loved.

doesn't everyone? maybe not, but i've been having a craving to be cared for for a long time. i want a boy who will treat me like an angel, call me & check up on me, pick me up from school, come see me when i'm sick, hold me when i'm crying, make me laugh when i'm pissed, understands & cooperates with my bitchyness during PMS time, has a lip & or tounge ring [haha], loves me for me [ since there isn't many exteriors on me to love ], cares about the stupid things i have to say, wants to be near me constantly, likes & doesn't mind hanging out with my friends, doesn't act different with me when around his friends, doesn't mind spending days alone with me, doesn't force ANYTHING sexual upon me, respects my wishes, but puts me in my place when i'm getting a little too big for my britches, voices his opinion, but takes mine into consideration. MEETS & occasionally hangs out with my family, doesn't care about what i've done in my past, but listens to what i have to say about it, is senstitve to my problems, offers me advice, acts like my best friend, & my brother. isn't afraid to play fight with me, isn't afraid to critize me & can take critsim in return, knows how to dress, likes to joke around with me and make me laugh. loves seeing me smile & will do anything to get that smile from me. most of all, i want him to love me, not cheat on me, & appriciate me for me, knowing i won't change who i am to satisfy him.

will i EVER EVER EVER find that? i'm assuming not, but if i do i'll be sure to refer you guys to his best friends ;]

i just want to love & be loved in return.

"literate & stylish, kissable & quiet, well that's what girls dreams are made of"

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 00:08:44 GMT

i HATE people cus they only care about themselves.
i HATE knowing shit cus it gets you fucked over.
i HATE having friends cus they lie to you.
i HATE being a good friend cus i care for them
i HATE fuckin guys cus they suck.
i HATE when people bug out on you without a reason.
i HATE when people don't fuckin listen.
i HATE when you say don't they do anyway
i HATE when your 'friends' let you get fucked over.
i HATE when your 'friends' think only about themselves
i HATE when fuckin people sell you out.
i HATE helping people cus i end up getting fucked.

do people not understand the contraction DON'T anymore? or the word STOP? or words FUCK OFF?

& i hope your not mad at me

anyway i feel the need for a short emotion outburst.

there's many things you can, & don't hesitate to say out of anger. those are probably the words you regret the most in your life, but you say them because your so fuckin pissed & nothing else can make you calm down unless you bug out. now that doesn't make it right, but the words you say can very well ruin many things. those words could break a friendship, cause you & the other person stress, you can make someone feel insignifgant, you can make them question things, or you can do a million other things. i know yelling & venting seems to solve it temporarily, but i know everyone who reads this that 10 out of 11 times you regret what you say. you step back for a minute & think wow what the fuck is wrong with me? you feel like shit & bug out because your drowning in regret. sometimes, certain people don't have a fucking conscience & couldn't care less about what they've said to you. right now. i'm thinking about what someone said to me, & it's making me question who i'm surrounding myself with. it's making me wonder who's my friend, & who's my enemy. i don't know what to think, but i do know that i have said some terrible things out of anger. i have these things on my conscience, & unlike some people i actually have one, & i feel terrible. i want to solve all my problems with people who i've once been close to. we don't have to be friends again, but i would like to at least be able to say that i apologized & that i tried.

i will speak to the people that deserve the apologies individually, but for those who i do forget, ahead of time, i'm sorry.

ah i feel alot better now.